Thursday, October 30, 2008

Lessons from the PACU

Last week, a friend commented that I seemed to be unusually successful in avoiding the petty jealousies that too often plague high school years (and even college years). My response was that I try to quell any feelings of envy in myself, because I've been on the receiving end of jealousy a couple times and I've seen how ugly it can make the other person as well as harming both sides. Thinking about it a bit more, it only makes sense to try avoiding jealousy, because there's always going to be someone smarter, richer, or prettier. You can be the best at one thing, or maybe a couple if you're only thinking about a small group, but it's impossible for a single person to be #1 in everything. Does Bill Gates envy Steve Jobs? Maybe, but he sure doesn't show it in any of his philanthropic work!

Volunteering this morning emphasized the flip side: there will also always be people who are worse off than you are. There is a lot more to be grateful for than there is to gripe about. I've been volunteering in the Pediatric PACU at Yale-New Haven for over a year now, but every week I go there's still something or someone to learn from. There are the simple, happy stories - kid comes in to have tonsils removed and goes home 2 hours later - and then there are the more complex ones, like the toddlers with leukemia that go to the pediatric wards on the seventh floor, rather than out to their cars.

Today it was the infant who has been in the hospital for several months since she was born as a preemie, confined to her crib because she can't breathe without a ventilator. I can't even imagine how the parents are coping with all this - seeing the preschool-style drawings from an older sibling and family photos hanging on the crib made it hit home even more. Once she woke up, though, she seemed to have the same concerns and like the same things as any infant: opening her eyes wide to see the toys hanging above her head, sucking her pacifier, grabbing my finger, etc. All the nurses stopped by at least once to remark on her big smiles or how round her head was (apparently you used to be able to tell that a baby had been in the hospital a long time by the squared-off "toaster head" that came from resting on one side or the other all the time!)

Pauline Chen, a well-known surgeon and writer, recently began a series of articles in the New York Times about doctor-patient relationships. Reading today's piece about medical student burnout was somewhat discouraging to my dreams of becoming a physician, but then I thought back to this morning and how that baby girl tugged on my heartstrings, as so many others have in both the PACU and the MICU. If I can hang on to that sense of yearning to help while receiving the training I need to be more useful to patients, I think I'll be ok =)

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